Jokes - Glume - Bancuri - Humor

Invatarea unei limbi straine se face prin conversatie si exersare (citire, scriere). Poeziile, povestile si alte scrieri in limba respectiva sunt utile pentru invatare, iar combinand utilul cu placutul face invatarea si mai usoara.
Glumele (jokes) sunt o alta metoda placuta de exersare a unei limbi straine. Acestea va pot ajuta sa intelegeti varietatea de sensuri a cuvintelor.
Aici gasiti 3 seturi a cate 10 glume, fiecare avand traducere, iar primele 2 seturi contin si formatul audio al glumelor in engleza, ceea ce ajuta si la obijnuita cu pronuntia.
Inainte de a citi traducerea, incercati sa traduceti singuri si apoi verificati.

Jokes - MP3 Player

Looking for a whife

Audio Joke MP3
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied: Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them.
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said: "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied: "My father doesn't like her.

Cautand o sotie

Fred are 32 de ani si este inca necasatorit.
Intr-o zi un prieten a intrebat: "De ce nu esti casatorit? Nu poti sa gasesti o femeie care va fi o sotie buna?"
Fred a raspuns: De fapt, am gasit multe femei cu care am vrut sa ma casatoresc, dar cand le aduc acasa pentru a se intalni cu parintii mei, mama nu le place.
Prietenul sau se gandeste o clipa si spune: "Am solutia perfecta, gaseste o fata care e la fel ca mama ta."
Cateva luni mai tarziu se intalnesc din nou si prietenul sau spune: "Ai gasit fata perfecta? I-a placut mamei tale de ea?"
Cu o incruntare pe fata, Fred raspunde, "Da, am gasit fata perfecta. Ea a fost exact ca mama mea. Ai avut dreptate, mama a placut-o foarte mult."
Prietenul a spus: Atunci, care-i problema?"
Fred a raspuns: Tatal meu nu o place.

The frog and the engineer

Joke 2 MP3
An engineer was taking a walk when a frog spoke to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll become your girlfriend."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll become your wife."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket again, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog said, "What is the matter? I'm a beautiful princess. Why won`t you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm a busy engineer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend or a wife, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Broasca si inginerul

Un inginer mergea acasa cand o broasca a vorbit cu el si a spus, "Daca ma saruti, o sa ma transform intr-o frumoasa printesa".
El a luat broasca si a pus-o in buzunar.
Broasca a vorbit iar si a spus, "Daca ma saruti si ma transformi inapoi intr-o printesa frumoasa, am sa devin iubita ta".
Inginerul a scos broasca din buzunar, i-a zambit si a pus-o inapoi in buzunar.
Broasca a vorbit din nou si a spus, "Daca ma saruti si ma transformi inapoi intr-o printesa, am sa devin sotia ta".
Inginerul a scos broasca iar din buzunar, i-a zambit si a pus-o inapoi in buzunar.
In cele din urma broasca a spus, "Care-i problem? Sunt o printesa frumoasa. De ce nu ma saruti?"
Inginerul a spus, "Uite ce-i, sunt un inginer ocupat. Nu am timp pentru o iubita sau o sotie, dar o broasca vorbitoare, asta-i grozav".

Love and marriage

Gluma audio 3
Here is a joke about the first three years of marriage.
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Dragoste si casatorie

Iata o gluma despre primii trei ani de casnicie.
* In primul an de casatorie, barbatul vorbeste si femeia asculta.
* In al doile an de casatorie, femeia vorbeste si barbatul asculta.
* In al treile an, amandoi vorbesc si vecinii asculta.

Student

Audio banc 4
A student is talking to his teacher.
Student: Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework.

Student (elev)

Un elev vorbeste cu profesorului sau.
Elev: M-ati pedepsi pentru ceva ce nu am facut?
Profesor: Desigur ca nu.
Elev: Bun, deoarece nu mi-am facut tema.

Telephone

Audio Joke 5
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!", said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number", replied the girl.

Telefon

O adolescenta vorbise la telefon jumatate de ora, apoi a inchis.
"Uau!", a spus tatal ei, "Asta a fost scurt. De obicei vorbesti doua ore. Ce s-a intamplat?"
"Numar gresit", a raspuns fata.

The biggest lie

Gluma 6
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves", said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Cea mai mare minciuna

Doi baieti se certau cand profesorul a intrat in camera.
Profesorul spune, "De ce va certati?"
Un baiat raspunde, "Am gasit o bacnota de zece dolari si am decis sa o dam oricui sopune cea mai mare minciuna."
"Ar trebui sa va fie rusine de voi", a spus profesorul, "Cand am fost de varsta voastra nici macar nu am stiut ce e minciuna."
Baietii i-au dat cei zece dolari profesorului.

The patient

Joke 7
The patient says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."
The doctor says, "Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

Pacientul

Pacientul spune, "Doctore, am o durere in ochi ori de cate ori beau ceai."
Doctorul spune, "Scoate lingurita din cana inainte sa bei."

Boy or girl

Banc 8
- Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
- It's a girl. She's my daughter.
- Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
- I'm not. I'm her mother.

Baiat sau fata

Priviti doar la acea persoana tanara cu parul scurt si blugi albastri. E un baiat sau o fata?
- E o fata. ea e fica mea.
- O, scuzati-ma, domnule. Nu am stiut ca sunteti tatal ei.
- Nu sunt. Eu sunt mama ei.

Three mice

Audio Joke 9
Three mice were being chased by a cat.
The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" The surprised cat ran away scared.
Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, "You see, it pays to be bilingual!"

Trei soareci

Trei soareci erau urmariti de o pisica.
Soarecii au fost prinsi la colt cand unul din soareci s-a intors si a latrat, "Ham! Ham! Ham!" Pisica surprinsa a fugit speriata.
Mai tarziu cand soarecii i-au povestit mamei lor ce s-a intamplat, ea a zambit si a spus, "Vedeti, merita sa fii bilingv (sa vorbesti 2 limbi).

It hurts

Gluma MP3 10
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts.When I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"

Doare

Un barbat merge la doctor si spune, "Doctore, oriunde ating, ma doare."
Doctorul intreaba, "Ce vrei sa spui?"
Omul spune, "Cand imi ating umarul, chiar doare. Cand imi ating genuchiul - AUU! Cand imi ating fruntea, serios, chiar doare."
Doctorul spune, "Stiu ce e in-neregula cu tine. Ti-ai rupt degetul!"

Glume 2   --------   Glume 3

Glumele au fost preluate de pe site-ul www.manythings.org

Un Test simplu in fiecare zi

HTML
CSS
JavaScript
PHP-MySQL
Engleza
Spaniola
Ce tag adauga imagine in pagina web?
<div> <img> <span>
<img src="http://coursesweb.net/imgs/webcourses.gif" width="191" height="63" alt="Courses-Web" />
Care din aceste coduri CSS afiseaza textul inclinat?
font-style: italic; text-decoration: underline; font-weight: 500;
#id {
  font-style: italic;
}
Clic pe functia jQuery care ascunde animat un element HTML.
click() hide() show()
$(document).ready(function() {
  $(".a_class").click(function(){ $(this).hide("slow"); });
});
Clic pe functia definita corect in PHP.
fname function() {} function fname() {} function $fname() {};
function fname($a, $b) {
  echo $a * $b;
}
Indicati forma pentru Prezent Perfect Continuu a verbului "to walk" (a merge).
have walked have been walking be walking
I have been walking for 5 hours.
- Merg pe jos de 5 ore.
Indicati Trecutul Nedefinit pentru verbul "ser" (a fi) la forma Yo.
será sería fui
Yo fui entrenador.
- Am fost antrenor.
Jokes - Glume, Bancuri